Old Bug Eyes, Jerry Colonna.

In 1954, Decca Records released a fascinating ten-inch relic titled Music For Screaming!? Jerry Colonna at his Best.* - the majority of which I have posted for your listening pleasure here (podcast number twenty). Bob Hope's sidekick was not as some might assume Bing Crosby, nor was his closest ally in show business simply constant US military intervention. Although there is little question that those were among his most dependable associates, his real right hand partner was the unmistakably bug-eyed, and with each passing year increasingly forgotten, Jerry Colonna - one of the most strangely compelling figures of American radio and film in the thirties, forties, and fifties.

Colonna's persona could have easily been described as an "ethnic character" back in the day, if it were not for the fact that his odd accent wasn't exactly an Italian stereotype, that of the hackneyed European emigre, or anything else particularly specific. Instead his accent was vague, a put-on of undetermined origin, for the most part void of any Italian references - thank goodness - as many of those Vito Scotti type characters can be cringe inducing today. In almost all the films in which the beloved moustachioed comedian appeared, his vocal gymnastics were on display.

Each song he sang started with the first word dragged out, starting quiet, but increasing in volume, as if the singer were "winding up." Hence the title of his record, Music for Screaming!?. Colonna started out in the thirties as a trombone player in various groups, first with CBS Radio's house orchestra then, allegedly, with The Hal Kemp Big Band, and finally The John Scott Trotter Band. His first film roles placed him in eleven pictures between 1937 and 1938, usually as a member of a nightclub band. It was on the set of an extremely enjoyable 1938 b-musical, College Swing, that he and Bob Hope would first share the spotlight. The spunky flick featured a rather incredible cast of established character actors alongside many stars-to-be who would become huge shortly thereafter. Other than Hope (appearing in just his second feature length picture), College Swing showcased George Burns, Gracie Allen, Betty Grable, Edward Everett Horton, Ben Blue, Jackie "Uncle Fester" Coogan, with Mary "Mrs. Jack Benny" Livingstone, hoofers turned nightclub mavens The Slate Brothers, and clumsy comedienne Martha Raye. A few weeks after the shoot, Hope ran across Colonna performing with the John Scott Group at a series of parties they were both booked for at Bing Crosby's Del Mar Turf Club. It was at these gigs that Hope's admiration for the man's unique comedic abilities began. Colonna would leave his weekly spot with Scott's group on The Kraft Music Hall when Hope promised to feature him as a regular on his new radio program, The Pepsodent Show.

Although the novelty of Jerry Colonna's amusing face was absent on radio, he still managed to become wildly popular with listeners. This was thanks to both his absurdist delivery and the writing staff's careful crafting of a Colonna persona which placed the character in surreal scenarios. In College Swing, Colonna appeared as a crazy professor type, so when Hope's writers started on their first Jerry Colonna featured script, they had him appear as Professor Colonna, a man who generally had some kind of strange scheme going on. Sherwood Schwartz, best known as the creator of Gilligan's Island and The Brady Bunch, along with Larry Gelbart of M*A*S*H* fame, were both Hope writers and explain the nucleus of a Colonna gag, "It would generally revolve around Professor Colonna building enormous bridges or contraptions ... sometimes a sky-scraper from the top down." An example of a typical Colonna joke is recounted by Gerald Nachman in his book Raised on Radio. "Hope asks, 'Professor did you plant the bomb in the embassy like I told you?' to which Colonna replied in that whooping five-alarm voice, 'Embassy? Great Scott, I thought you said NBC!"  No explanation is given to why Colonna was participating in acts of terrorism, but no explanation is neccessary since Colonna's personality was designed to be a mix of Warner Brothers cartoon and Salvador Dali. 

To be sure, Jerry's living cartoon identity lent itself well to the satirical pens of artists like T. Hee and Cal Dalton who would feature Jerry Colonna in hilarious Looney Tunes items like Hollywood Steps Out (1940) and Daffy Doodles (1946). The latter featured a demented Daffy Duck, pathologically scribbling moustaches over every face on every bilboard in the city. When an annoyed Porky Pig as law enforcement officer arrests the screwy duck and takes him to court - he is acquitted by a jury of twelve Jerry Colonna look-alikes. Years later, Colonna himself would provide the voices for animated Disney items like Casey at the Bat (1946), The Brave Engineer (1951), and most famously as the March Hare in Alice in Wonderland (1951).

Colonna's persona also spawned nonsensical catch phrases that he would usually utter upon entrance. "Who's Yehudi?" and "Greetings Gates, Let's Operate!" were his two most famous, always eliciting laughter even without context, justification, or logic. Occasionally those on the Hope show would use such a line sans Colonna as an ad-lib - always a sure fire laugh. The "Who's Yehudi (sometimes spelled Yahoodi)" craze spawned a song that became a best selling 78 covered by several bands of the era. The phrase often popped up as a cheap laugh, although an esoteric reference today, in several cartoons and even a few movies like Topper Returns (1941) and Whistling in the Dark (1941). Friz Freleng's 1942 animated short Lights Fantastic features a "Yahoodi Cafe." Likewise, the Merrie Melody short Slightly Daffy (1944) has a Native American with a Mel Blanc voice shouting, "Greetings Gates, Let's Scalp-atate!" The Dell Comics adaptation of Carl Anderson's comic strip Henry featured a saxophone playing child named Yehudi. After a couple seasons worth of the stupid gimmick, critics demanded an explanation for the phrase. In one episode Basil Rathbone and Nigel Bruce appeared in the guise of their famous Universal Pictures characterizations of Sherlock Holmes and Watson trying to figure out who was Yehudi. Simultaneously NBC held a contest for people to send in their answers to the question. The listener who won stated that Yehudi was "the little man who turns out the light in the refrigerator when the door is closed."

Controversy struck the show when a Christmas themed episode had Colonna playing Santa Claus. The end gag had Bob Hope shooting Colonna and killing him. Just moments after the show went off the air, the network was bombarded with phone calls from outraged listeners. Telegrams and letters quickly followed from shocked parents who failed to see the humor in the murder of both the beloved Colonna and the even more beloved Santa. The level of reaction was so intense that Pepsodent actually considered cancelling Hope's show altogether! Eventually the pandemonium blew over as Colonna's character returned to the show the following week unharmed, just as if he were a character in a cartoon.

At the start of Hope's tenth season, critics panned the debut episode for, as Variety put it, "its sad saga of sameness." The unfriendly reviews left Bob Hope wondering if it was the same sentiment of his listeners. Despite great ratings and popularity, had the show slid into predictable monotony? The show continued the rest of the year in "sameness", but come the following September, Hope decided to shake things up. Jerry Colonna was fired from the show and replaced with Doris Day! This wasn't a reflection of Hope's feelings towards his buddy in any way but merely a business decision, trying to appease his naysayers. Hope still made sure to drag Colonna along for every single USO tour right until the middle of the Vietnam War when Jerry suffered a stroke. In 1951 the new ABC television network debuted The Jerry Colonna Show, which lasted all of one season. I've never seen it, never met anyone who has seen it, and like most early television tapes or kinescopes - any episode that survived was likely destroyed long ago. From what can be deduced the show most likely followed a variety type format with Colonna hosting a series of broad comedy sketches occasionally laced with "straight" numbers from musical guests, and probably the occasional musical bit that Colonna and his trombone would participate in. However, these theories seem to be completely contradicted by IMDB's opinion that "If you like this title, we also recommend 'The Amazing Race' (2001)."

Despite Colonna's failures like the series that bore his name, Hope helped sustain his career. Beyond the constant military revues, Hope threw Colonna the occasional film appearance in things like Road to Rio (1947) and The Road to Hong Kong (1962). Colonna's final on-screen appearance came in 1966, playing a doctor in an episode of The Monkees. If anyone has video of this appearance please feel free to upload it or link us to it. Convalescing for the remainder of his life in the Motion Picture Country Home and Hospital with much of his body paralyzed, one of old bug eyes' few visitors remained old ski nose, who always made a point of providing Colonna with money. Unable to perform, Colonna put his creative energy towards writing a novel titled The Loves of Tullio - no need to go into detail about it here as I'm sure you've read it a hundred times.

It could be argued that Jerry Colonna was a product of his time - that Hollywood era when unique looking character actors were more in demand than they are today. And even though Colonna's comedy was often very broad and outrageous, a style generally associated with the vaudeville hacks of yesteryear, it is most likely that his unequalled appearance, demeanor, and delivery would have found him popularity in the seventies and eighties as a great character actor in the same league as the instantly recognizable mugs of the Chuck Lanes, Dick Millers, or Warren Oates types. I just hope that when his kidneys were failing him on November 21st, 1986 that a good natured doctor shouted in his failing ears, "Greetings Gates! Let's Operate!"

*Other Jerry Colonna LPs include Jerry Colonna Plays Trombone on Liberty, Let's All Sing with Jerry Colonna also on Liberty, Jerry Colonna Sings and Swings on Mercury, Jerry Colonna Entertains at your Party on Bravo Records, not to mention countless 78s and 45s.

Comments

[krup]

Watch "Daffy (El Pato Lucas) Doodles" en espanol!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=16NrgerS0GY

[Rix]

Excellent post.

[Parq]

Ahhhhhhhh, rather fascinating, isn't it?

[Dale Hazelton]

Any student of Max Sennet era films knows Ben Turpin invented that persona, for sure!

http://silentgents.com/OGTurpin.html

[jamesie]

Gurdjeef's brother perhaps?

[Listener Kliph Nesteroff]

Ben Turpin never screamed to music! He didn't even talk (just sneezed)!

[Webhamster Henry]

Warner Brothers actually had two cartoons with a Jerry Colonna - based worm character, "The Wacky Worm," directed by Friz Freling! Check out the more interesting of them, GREETINGS, BAIT!, which is not so great except for one scene where he twists a crabs eyes into a knot and then we get a crab's eye split screen view in the next shot! Nominated for an Academy award, which proves ... nothing really.

[mmtper]

Colonna actually continued appearing onscreen well into the 1970's on the Bob Hope television specials. In the early '70's ones Colonna spoke lines (An annoyed Hope to a heckling Colonna: "What's the difference between you and an idiot?" Replies Colonna: "Well, for one thing, you don't have a moustache!") but his voice was husky and aged, he could no longer produce that crazy sound. So, in later ones he was silent, used as a surreal sight gag. I remember the one where Hope, riding in an airplane, looks out the window and sees Colonna, gliding along like Superman, grinning back at him.
This loyalty was similar to Jack Bennys later specials, where he continued to feature an ailing Rochester, who also had lost his remarkable voice, but was given parts for old time's sake.

[:: smo ::]

this is a great article! thanks for posting! i was just watching a lot of old looney tunes trying to remember Colonna's name, he was caricatured soooo many times in them, be it direct, or from a fleeting impersonation by blanc. oddly enough they seem to be the strongest showcase of his character today. i'm an animator myself, and i've been pretty interested lately of the strong caricatures of people like colonna and durante that pop up in the 40's so often...and how there's very few people that distinct today. it'd be great to hear some of the old hope radio shows and actually hear him in his element! this record is great too i'm listening now. thanks much!

[Bob Colonna]

A really fine appreciation, and thanks, on behalf of Jerry, my Dad. I have a book coming out in September about him -- you can e-mail me for info. About his TV show -- it was a little tame even for its time, but there was some cute stuff on it. Usually began with a song and a sketch about an occupation ("A Farmer's Life," etc.), then there would be a visit to "Peppino's Barber Shop" where Jerry would do an Neapolitan immigrant accent (his own father was from Naples) and sing in a barbershop quartet. The final segment was always an elaborate sketch involving actress Isabel Randolph as "Mrs. Van Aardvark," a Margaret Dumont type who would run up against Jerry in the character of everything from a mad caterer to an Arctic explorer. Also on the show were announcer Del Sharbutt and Jerry's brother Red, a vaudeville veteran.
Another collector's item you might hunt down and enjoy is "Here Comes Colonna's Trolley," a 78rpm for kids. Very funny and charming.

[Mike White]

Thank you for this. I never got the "Ah yes! Not guilty!" joke ending of Daffy Doodles until now!

[Michael Powers]

Thanks for this fine article about Colonna. You're exactly right about his being Hope's true sidekick. I wonder how much money Hope would actually give Colonna when he was laid up in the movie nursing home--I'm guessing it was in the low double digits.

I believe it was Sherwood Schwartz, a Hope writer you mentioned, who tells a story in his Archive of American Television videotaped reminiscence (available online) about how every night Hope would send Schwartz out to pick up an ice cream sundae for him during late conferences with his writers, which Hope would then proceed to consume in front of his starving staff without offering them anything. Schwartz was on leave from the Army a couple of years later and decided to drop by to see his co-workers, assuming that Hope and the others would be in a typical late-night brainstorming session. He noticed that the drug store where he got the sundaes was still in the same location so he picked one up for Hope to surprise him. He sauntered into the conference, set the sundae down in front of Hope as he'd done countless times before in previous years, and Hope looked up and said, "What took you so long?"

There's only one upside that I can think of to the fact that effervescently memorable personalities like Colonna and Durante are gone and gradually being forgotten: the fact that half the country isn't always trying to imitate them any more. Oddly, there's nothing more blissful than watching Durante perform or more loathsome than seeing anyone (anyone at all) try to do a Durante impression. I vividly remember days when half the children in the schoolyard during recess were trying to mimic Durante and I am here to tell you that there are few interludes in life more disgusting than that---it ranks with watching a parent slowly waste away from cancer or a child suddenly killed in an auto accident for sheer visceral repugnance.

[Michael Powers]

I mentioned that everyone becomes obnoxious when doing a Durante impression but last week I saw Jackie Gleason do one during the monologue for a 1951 installment of "Cavalcade of Stars" and he was as entertaining as Durante, but then he refrained from the head-wagging that only Durante himself could pull off and basically only did the voice. Gleason in '51 is a revelation, young, not yet fat, and exploding with energy, and the early Honeymooners sketches with Pert Kelton as Alice are shockingly dark and harrowingly realistic, infinitely superior to the "Classic 39" half-hour episodes we all grew up with. If you don't believe me, find your way to the Paley Center for Media (formerly the Museum of Television and Radio and earlier the Museum of Broadcasting) in NYC or LA: seeing is believing.

I have a photo taken in W. W. 2 on a south pacific island of Jerry Colona, Bob Hope, Frances Langford. My dad had it taken when he performed with them. He was in an army air force band. If anyone wants it I can send it via email.
[email protected]

[[email protected]]

I have an original 78 RPB Jerry Colonna record with these two songs, Wake the town and tell the people and When you see a pretty girl. Interested parties please inquire.

[[email protected]]

OOPs I meant, RPM !!

[Long John]

I'm looking for his song "Cow Pasture Polka"...and any other whacky songs...!!!

Long John - KMUD.ORG

[john urbanski]

I once heard on radio during Joe Franklin's show-a 'cavalcade' as he put it with Jerry Colonna singing songs about 'Old new York', such as 'On the Sidewalks of New York' along with several others. Was able to get a part of it on tape, but haven't heard it again or been able to get a recording of this 'set'. Anyone have any info about it?

[Maurice Crum]

I noticed so far all that is written about Jerry there was no mention that in television's early days that he used to appear on the Sunday morning Christopher Club religious program and recite would the rosary.
One funny stunt was also on the old Steve Allen Sunday show, where he brought out a saint Bernard dog and showed Steve his cat, whereupon Steve say's "a cat? thats a saint Bernard!!". Jerry picks up the dog, throws it out the window and calls out after it "Lie ta me willya!!!"

[Earl Everhart]

Thanks for the memories. Listen to the Bob Hope programs via Sirius radio and feel "cheated" when Mr. Colona is not on. Born in 1945, I grew up listening to Hope, Benny, etc. while sitting in front of the old upright floor model radios (pre t.v.) and later on the small black and white set. Those were the good old days.
Earl Everhart

[Brian BaSSETT]

Does any one have the song "when Rosa Racula does the hula maboula", by Jerry Colona I don't know if the names are spelled correctly,, as my folks gave me the 78 back in the mid 40s and I played till it was worn out., still remember it just don't remember all the words.

[Bob Paine]

Colonna as a gold miner: Greetings, Gate - let's spec-u-late! (Groan)