The Parent's Television Council has awarded their coveted "Worst TV Show of the Week" award to the January 22nd episode of Two and a Half Men. In so doing, they have pulled the curtain away from the shadowy world of Melon Shagging. (nsfw)
From the PTC's press release on the subject:
The Parents Television Council criticized CBS for a recent episode of Two and a Half Men. The episode, which aired on January 22, 2007, at 9 pm ET/8 pm CT, contained dialog about bestiality and having sex with vegetables.
The only problem with this assertion is that the offending dialog on the show deals not with bestiality, but with advanced masturbation techniques, eg, jacking off into a piece of liver or a modified melon. From the PTC's transcription of the episode:
Charlie: "Huh, more awkward then when you were a kid and had to explain to Mom why you were hiding a slab of raw liver in your sock drawer?"
Alan: "Okay the second most awkward."
Charlie: "What about when she found the warm cantaloupe with the face drawn on it."
Alan: "Alright, it was in the top five. I mean, it's just unnatural for some guy to tell his ex wife to pipe down while having sex with another man."
Charlie: "I'll tell you what's unnatural, the look on that melon's face. Fruit should not look surprised." (Charlie makes an "O" shape with his mouth.)
Alan: "You're the one that gave me that idea."
Charlie: "I was joking."
Alan: "You told me it's what the astronauts do."
Charlie: "Oh, right. That's how I got you to pee in the tang jar. Oh, and let's not forget how I convinced you Mom's douche bag was Mom's air supply."
Alan: "Yeah, yeah. My breath smelt like vinegar for two weeks."
Charlie: "Ahh, those were innocent times."
Although the PTC's focus on this segment was greeted enthusiastically by The California Melon Board, other industry groups were no as pleased. The PTC main aim in issuing its press release on the matter was to encourage a boycott on Two and a Half Men's advertisers, including Hyundai, Citigroup and Weight Watchers (who themselves have a vested interest in the Melon Industry).
Fans of my Wednesday morning show have long realized the erotic implications of melon shopping: download MP3.
Now, thanks to the artistry of Charlie Sheen and the work of the PTC, such dialogue takes on entirely new meaning. As do video clips like this (youtube).
Check out the cover of Zappa's Overnight Sensation. There's a nice picture of a shagged melon in a hotel room.
Posted by: K-mac | February 10, 2007 at 07:14 PM
that link to the melon shagging article triggered all sorts of stuff with my anti virus program, some sort of virus attack.
Posted by: mk | February 11, 2007 at 05:27 PM