WFMU's Beware of the Blog

Colette Calascione

With a tightly detailed classical style, Colette Calascione paints mysterious ladies bedecked in opulent apparel. Especially striking is her luminescent and gentle handling of fabric and flesh.

Guess The WFMU DJ Personal Article, Part 21

Vacation season is upon us, and it looks like someone on the WFMU air staff is going to Rivendell!  Out of the basement and onto the blahg, it's another installment of WFMU's weekly roleplaying game, "If I owned a Burger King-issued chalice with Viggo Mortensen etched into it, which WFMU DJ might I be?"

You've really gotta view that pic at full size for full appreciation.

Winner gets a slick slice of modern swag, FMU-style!

Here's your bonus mystery chunk of the Wild n' Wooly WFMU MP3 Library, just for playing: [mp3 for download, 1 wee meggie]

This LOTR goblet may belong to any person who has ever had a regular show on WFMU.  To help focus you, here's a list of like 6,000 people to whom it definitely does not belong:  Trouble \ Joe Belock \ Hatch \ Diane Kamikaze \ Irwin \ Fabio \ Bryce \ Maria \ Bill Zurat \ Liz Berg \ Stork \ Scott \ Billy Jam \ Charlie \ Rich Hazelton \ Mike Lupica \ Bronwyn \ Vicki \ Gaylord Fields \ Monica

365 Days #151 - HollyWood Polka (mp3s)

MP3:
HollyWood Polka (2:43)

This is one of those songs that sounds way better when you don't know the whole story behind it. In this case, all that's really known is that it was intended for a lyric writing contest of some sort. But taken on its own as a finished product, it's certainly way better than it could ever be with a complete set of lyrics. There's something very hypnotic and suggestive about the repeated line "In Hollywood..." that just keeps me in stitches even though I really don't like polkas very much.

- Contributed by: Pea Hix

Images: Label

Media: 78
Label: Superentertainment
Catalog: CSH-50
Date: 1940s-50s

MP3 Truffles: Kells, from Chi-town

Mash-up experts RIAA are back with a new crazy-ass mash-up collection, Sounds for the Space Set, which remixes the greats of electronic music - and by greats I mean the likes of Joe Meek, Dick Hyman, Jean Jacques Perry, Esquivel, Bruce Haack, Wendy Carlos, Vangelis, Kraftwerk, and many many more. It's all free for you, and definitely worth a listen.

On the "official" release news - the R is back in R&B. That's right, a new album dropped from R. Kelly. I usually would never use that term, but "dropping" just seems so appropriate to his style. Even though his album is on heavy rotation on my CD player, I won't share any with you...you know you'll be hearing the hell out of it on Hot 97 anyway. Instead, how about a mash-up of his new single I'm a Flirt crossed with the indie-pop of Broken Social Scene. It works, too!

And while we're talking about Kells, in July he is releasing the next chapters of Trapped in the Closet, where we may finally learn a bit about what's up with Roxanne and Tina. Now, I know TitC has become some sort of comedy gold, but I find it to be not so much funny transcendent, as if an MSR poet has finally hit the big time. Kelly has said that the plot twists are just him trying to make his friends laugh, so, yeah, ridiculousness is a given (though that is no excuse for his haphazard rhymes). But let's not ignore the fact that he has made a multi-part soap opera with a rather dull back-beat into a cultural phenomenon. Need proof? Look not ye to all the silly spoofs - but instead to the earnest home-made remakes, usually by truly dedicated teens. They're all over YouTube, but here's my favorite (note the fluidity of the cast members):

A truly crazy solo version after the jump, as well as this week's MP3 finds.

How Vincent Collins made U.S. Propaganda Groovy

Check out this short little psychedelic masterpiece by animator Vincent Collins, commissioned by the U.S. Information Agency (propaganda dispensers from 1953-1999) in 1976 to commemorate the bicentennial. Resurrecting the golden age of cartoon propaganda should be a key issue for the '08 election. Thanks to Andy for pulling this one out of the mud.

Here's another great video by Vince Collins, fans of the laser beam sound effect (hell yes) and indie rock a-la Magnetic Fields will dig it. Posted on the Saturday Morning Blog by Listener Kliph.

Dr. Peppercore

In most instances, the sentiments expressed in the great Country Teasers song "Please Ban Music" (real audio from their WFMU live session) are surely to be applauded, although in reality, the idea is a bit unfeasible unless you were in, say, Iran. Here in the USA however, we will settle for "Please Lock Up Bands." A drastic move, for sure, and while such an activity in the past might have prevented such great moments in rock, like for example this one (2.3MB mpeg for download), we may have also prevented a lot of this. Pictures here were snapped this morning on my bike ride to WFMU down the west side path, on the West 13th Street pier. Upon peering inside, one of the guitarists even came up to the glass to woodle woodle on his axe for me, but sadly that one didn't come out. All I have to say is that if they are indeed subsiding on Dr. Pepper and KFC, I wouldn't want to be near the pier when the bubble finally opens up.

Bare-Knuckled Beats

Here are three videos from some beat-oriented favorites of mine. All found around YouTube, all existing well outside the extremely dullzo realm of mainstream hip-hop, all completely different from one another, and all well worth your investigation. Especially if you're cut from the "don't care for the rap music" cloth.

On the left, we have the apocalyptic Wordsound Records duo of Spectre and Sensational, the men who by my ears espouse the best of the broken beat/perplexing rhyme philosophies. You can find more great collaborative work by them here. This song ("Pillars of Smoke") is available on the Retrospectre CD.

At centerstage, all the way from Australia, is the mighty Curse (ov) Dialect. My love affair with fringey Australian music dates back to first hearing the Celibate Rifles on college radio in the mid 80s. From that launchpad, I worked backwards and discovered bands like Radio Birdman, while simultaneously looking ahead to the mutant hip-hop of Macromantics and Curse (ov) Dialect. This song is from their fantastic recent album Wooden Tongues. Get the full skinny on the band here.

Finally, the extreme right gives us a video by Dalek, the Newark/Brooklyn phenomenon that's responsible for some of the most forward-thinking hip-hop records of the last decade. It's not your everyday producer and MC combo that's recorded with Faust and gets invited to participate in the Bang on a Can marathon alongside JG Thirwell, Brian Eno, and Alvin Lucier. This track is called "Ever Somber" and is from the band's brilliant Absence LP. It has been regularly referred to (by me) as one of the best songs of the last ten years. Have at it. You can see more Dalek vids on YouTube with this link, buy their music from Ipecac Records over here, and read up still further here.
 

365 Days #150 - Sexual Education 102: Dr. and Mrs. J.C. Willke - How To Teach Children The Wonder Of Sex/Sex... Should We Wait? (mp3s)

MP3:
How To Teach Children The Wonder Of Sex
01. Introduction by Doctor Michael Romano (0:44)
02. What Children Learn About Sex Today. Ignorance or Innocence. Prudishness? Complete Liberty? Why Parents Hesitate To Teach. Who Should Teach? (22:38)
03. Love. What Is It? Different Kinds? Religion. What It Teaches About Sex. (13:46)
04. What Should A Child Know About Sex By The Time He Starts The First Grade? How Does A Baby Come Out? How Did The Baby Get In? (9:39)
05. Women's Breasts (3:29)
06. Pre-Adolescent Talks To The Girl (Menstruation). Pre-Adolescent Talks To The Boy (Wet Dreams, Masturbation) (7:06)
07. Dating - When Should It Begin? How? Where? (3:21)
08. Teenage Marriages - What Chance For Happiness? Why Teenage Marriages? (9:08)
09. What We Do To Encourage Them - "Building Blocks". Social Customs.  Dress, Drink, Date, Dance, Drive. Some Suggested Guidelines To Help Young People Form Happy, Enduring, Stable Marriages. (21:30)
10. Ending Message About The Program (0:23)
Sex... Should We Wait?
11. Introduction (1:01)
12. Should We? Or Not? (8:22)
13. University Of Cincinnati: Student Comments - In Favor Of Pre-Martial Sex - In Favor Of Waiting (17:30)
14. Love, What Is It? (5:45)
15. Communications (5:50)
16. Sexual Gratification (1:19)
17. Pregnancy? Illegitimate Child (4:17)
18. Just A Legal Piece Of Paper (2:38)
19. Guilt Feelings, V.D. (1:47)
20. Can't Afford To Get Married (1:58)
21. Frequency Of Request (2:01)
22. The Chase (5:36)
23. New Freedom - Fewer Virgins? (3:31)
24. Scientific Surveys (3:56)
25. Sex Says Something (4:31)
26. Trust (6:01)
27. Reputation (1:20)
28. Man, Woman Differences (In Courtship, In Marriage) (8:10)
29. Practice Makes Perfect? (4:00)
30. Not All The Way? (6:16)
31. Night Reflects The Preceding Day (2:45)
32. You're Involved Already? (1:00)
33. Future Happiness (3:42)

Every Wednesday for the next month or so I'll be sharing sexual education records that I purged years back and dropped on discs... and now dusting the shiny round discs off... and sharing with you.  Apologies for the lack of proper cover scanning.  I scanned for my discs a makeshift cover with scans of both albums and so here is a cover for your discs if you choose to burn the audio (it is a partial scan of both covers)..  If you just keep the digital copies, the pseudo-cover-art is embedded in the mp3 files (and will show up on your portable devices or in iTunes Cover Flow or in many other applications).

- Contributed by: Sid Safari

Media: 2 Double LPs (4 records)
Album: How To Teach Children The Wonder Of Sex (1966) / Sex... Should We Wait? (1969)
Label: Hiltz Publishing Company
Credits: By Dr. and Mrs. J.C. Willke

This Week in Sex: Feel the Rush

"Feel the rush" of the G-Shot, a collagen shot in your G-spot that increases sexual pleasure. Makes me feel all tingly inside just thinking about it. Results may vary. "The site lists 68 risks that are associated with the procedure, ranging from bleeding to nodule formation," says one news report, but I didn't count. Nodule formation is hot.

Banning the sale of sex toys was supposedly not the intent of a bill in Alabama that banned the distribution of "any device designed or marketed as useful primarily for the stimulation of the human genital organs." It was just a happy coincidence. The intent was to ban nude dancing. The so called "No-Fun" bill is on its way to the Supreme Court, where the Supremes will decide if they will hear the case. How could they not? They love this sort of thing.

Naked people, I'm warning you. Stop clogging up my inbox.

• You call it clothes optional, I call it sunburn guaranteed. British nudists are planning a "clothes optional" charity trek. They'll only take their clothes off if it's hot, which is kind of wussy. Commit, naked people!
• "Nude people could pop up anywhere" in Vermont, which has no state law against nudity. Last year  groups of young people caused a stir by stripping naked in a downtown parking lot. This year there's been a sighting of a dude who danced nude on a downtown street while "performing acts of lewdness involving his genitals." Vermont, talk to Alabama. They wouldn't put up with this crap. They'd blow that guy's nuts off with a rifle.
• Nude man statues are all over London. A woman comments, "He's uglier than I thought he would be." Keep your expectations low, honey, any you'll never be disappointed when the clothes come off.
• Nudists are old. No one wants to join their crazy cult and get bug bites. Wonder why? I blame the internet. And the fact that people are uglier than you thought they would be.

USB Humping Dog. You know why dogs lick their balls? Because they can. You know why this little gizmo attaches to a USB port humps away? Because you're a dumbass who bought one and clogged up one of your USB ports with something that isn't even a flash drive. From the folks who brought you the Gentleman's Ball Scratcher. Remember?

Glow-in-the-dark underwear. This Swiss underwear will protect your man-bits from cell-phone radiation. Or you could just tell your penis to put down the phone.

The vacuum cleaner vibrator is supposed to be a great invention but it just seems like a really bad idea to me. Unless you've got dust bunnies in your hoohoo. Video.

And while we're on a shopping spree, an inflatable dildo only seems useful if you get a flat tire while you're having sex, or maybe if your plane crashes and you need a flotation device. NSFW

Thanks Kim, Prozac and Funyuns, and people who sent me great stuff I didn't get too yet.
P.S. Keep your clothes on, and if you don't, don't tell us all about it.

 

365 Days #149 - My Insurance Man (mp3s)

MP3:
1. Overture and Welcome (5:42)
2. What Makes a Professional (6:20)
3. My Insurance Man (3:01)
4. Taxes and Money (4:06)
5. Dear Miss Smith (2:51)
6. Taxes and Money (reprise) (1:10)
7. Graduation Day is Here (2:14)

Taken from the liner notes:

"My insurance man" -- To be called "my insurance man" by clients is the goal of every producer -- and is the mark of a professional.

... If you attended Continentals 1968  Key Club and saw "My Insurance Man" -- relax now and let the music remind you of a great show.

If you missed seeing "My Insurance Man," set the needle to the record, and as the last notes of the show fade, promise yourself you wont miss next year's production.

And now -- The Overature -- it's curtain time for "My Insurance Man" ... the adventures of Irv Deal as he moves toward greater professionalism in the world of insurance."

Found @ the WFMU record fair :)

- Contributed by: B.C. Sterrett (The Lost Media Archive)

Images: Front Cover, Back Cover, Label

Media: LP
Album: My Insurance Man
Catalog: 858C 4960
Credits: Continental Assurance Co. Key Club Presents...
Date: 1968

Canadian Football Fan Portraits

Portraits of visiting team fans at Vancouver's BC Lions games, via Ziza. File next to Jill Greenburg's End Times or Monkey Portraits series, or Philip Toledano's Portraits of People Playing Video Games. The photographer of these is unknown, but if anybody figures out who took them, let me know.

Mutants, cute things, and deep sea wonders

The mutants: 

365 Days #148 - Roger Hallmark - A Message to Khomeini / Maharishi (mp3s)

MP3:
A Message to Khomeini (2:38)
Maharishi (3:14)

Everything old is new again, the names just change. As the United States tests the waters of war with Iran, this novelty song from 1979 by Roger Hallmark was a small hit on radio during the months leading up to the election of Ronald Reagan. Not only was it enraged at how our old friend the Shah was being treated, it also took the opportunity to toss in a few racist Ayrab jabs.

This Time Magazine article from December 17, 1979, reports on the climate that this song was considered funny in.

Included is the unfunny flip side, "Maharishi" for posterity's sake.

- Contributed by: John Mitchell

Images: Announcement Ad

Media: 45
Label: Vulcan
Catalog: V-10004
Date: 1979

The Electronic Spirit of Erik Satie (MP3s)

[ 39 MP3 files after the jump ]

What do you get when you combine Erik Satie with a bunch of stoned hippies, a chamber orchestra, and a Moog? It is hard to tell what would happen today, but in the 70s this resulted in the album "The Electronic Spirit of Erik Satie, featuring The Moog Synthesizer with The Camarata Contemporary Chamber Orchestra", released in 1972 on Deram, a Decca subsidiary. Like Daniel Steven Crafts' Soap Opera Suite/Snake Oil Symphony, this is an album I discovered at my old radio station WCBN, and long after I had left Ann Arbor I realized that I just could not live without it. Of course it is out of print, but thanks to eBay I now own a copy, so I don't have to go back to Michigan to steal it.

Here are some excerpts from the liner notes, without comment:

Notes Relating to the Title: "The Electronic Spirit of Erik Satie" (Music Mystically Inspired)

Satie was convinced that he was a spirit working under the direct guidance of some medieval cleric whose fanatical piety he had inherited from beyond the grave.

This producer is convinced that he is also a spirit working under the direct guidance of Erik Satie, whose eccentricities and mysticisms have guided him throughout the making of this LP.

Further Proof:
A.) The arranger felt the actual presence of Satie in the room with him while he was scoring. (Erik's spirit would hover around the room and, at times, reach over his shoulder and guide his pencil along the score page, shouting directions in his ear "B flat not B natural, you dummy!") His worst moment was when he added bars to Satie's barless music... (the arranger in this case cannot recall having scored any of the pieces in the LP.)
B.) The presence and guidance of Satie's spirit was never more felt than in the programming and playing of the Moog synthesizer. All the wave forms, modulation mixes, oscillations and permutations have never been duplicated since, and the Moog player, who was entirely unfamiliar with the instrument at the time, has no recollection of having done the album whatsoever!!!!!!!

I mentioned stoned hippies, didn't I? Anyway, let's face the music after the jump.

Shatner - Conan Remix Video

Not that William Shatner needs any help re-inventing himself musically or otherwise, but here's a remix of him cruising along in his racecar at 160 MPH, and discussing it with Conan O'Brien:

UPDATE: The video was made by Smudgeorama. Thanks to Stark Effect and shatnerrulz

365 Days #147 - The Band of the Royal Regiment of Canada - Rock Encounter (mp3)

MP3:
Rock Encounter (4:44)

The Band of the Royal Regiment of Canada, which is presently based out of Toronto's Fort York, is one of the oldest permanently organized bands in the country and, having been founded in 1863, actually predates Confederation.

The album In Concert On Parade, which I found in a local thrift store, was released in 1975, when the conductor was Capt. G.A. Falconi, a graduate of the University of Toronto's Faculty of Music.

I wasn't sure I was willing to part with the quarter this album cost until, scanning the liner notes, I spotted the last song on the first side:

"BAND 5 - ROCK ENCOUNTER: The modern "rock" idiom is popular with many bands in North America because of its beat and unusual harmonies. This arrangement by Jay A. Chatterway is a very recent publication and features B/Sgt. J. Sobie on trumpet and C/Cpl. N.P. Minnoch on drums."

"Yes, yes," you say, "that's all well and good...but does this Encounter Rock?" Well, it gets off to a pretty good start, with a galloping beat pushed along by the brass section of the orchestra and some classic mid-'70's wah-wah guitar in the background. Later on it gets to sounding like a game show theme song, followed by a slow stretch in the middle that could be incidental music from a nature film, and then a bit that sounds like the intro for a '70's-era TV news show. Finally, they bring it on home with the wah-wah theme. So all in all, it does sound like a military marching band encountering rock and roll for the first time and not quite knowing what to do.

- Contributed by: Beau Levitt

Images: Front Cover, Back Cover, Label

Media: LP
Album: In Concert On Parade
Label: Periwinkle Records
Catalog: PER-7328
Credits: Arr. J. Chattaway - William Allen Music (Unknown), Director of Music: Capt. G.A. Falconi
Date: 1975

Would You Believe Don Adams was a Joke Thief?

When stand-up comedian Joe Rogan confronted notorious joke thief Carlos Mencia in the middle of "his" routine last February it spawned an internet phenomenon. Rogan suddenly had legions of fans and Mencia was quickly discredited. Video footage of Mencia performing material that belonged to other comedians flooded video-sharing sites. The incident spawned several blog entries, print magazine articles and news channel stories about famous joke thieves through history. There were the standard references to Milton Berle and Robin Williams and the occasional mention of Dane Cook. One story from comedy history fell by the sidelines. Don Adams was a joke thief.

Most people don't even realize that Adams was a stand-up comic. Everyone knows him as the star of Get Smart, but the character of Maxwell Smart was in fact based on Don Adams' nightclub persona. Adams was never really one to produce his own material, but then again, neither were most nightclub comedians of his era. Almost everyone solicited material from writers and Adams was no different. Bill Dana became an accomplished comedy writer having been hired by Steve Allen to work on the original Tonight Show. With Dana's help Adams was able to enjoy a successful stand-up career - but not a particularly honest one.

Youngsters.

 

365 Days #146 - C John Taylor - Islands Of Beauty / The Song of Argyll (mp3s)

MP3:
Islands Of Beauty
A Islands Of Beauty (3:35)
B The Prince Of Wales / For Friendship Sake / Islands Of Beauty (4:26)
The Song of Argyll
A The Song of Argyll (5:19)
B The Pope John Paul II Poem - A Time For Peace (1:16)
B Upon Being Sixty / My Love is Like a Morning Song (6:29)

The Wicker Man's certainly got a lot to answer for! Obscure artist C John Taylor was based on the remote Seil Island in Scotland and wrote poetry in his spare time. In 1978 someone had the idea of setting these poems to music and making an EP to sell in the island gift shop alongside the tartan tea cloths and tins of Highland Fingers. Islands of Beauty is a tribute to the Inner Hebrides and starts off with vocalist Gary Gordon ("from Pebble Mill At One") gently crooning the song to a simple folk-waltz. Then it gets a little darker with the same tune played on the bagpipes, followed by a Gaelic reading by the artist's daughter Catriona against a wash of sound effects of seagulls and water lapping. Finally the artist-poet himself joins in reading the words in English, but sounds somewhat awkward and uncomfortable as though he were being continually poked with a Highland Finger.

All quite weird and wonderful, like Mull Of Kintyre on acid! The B-side is somewhat disappointing by comparison being a medley of poems kicking off with an odious ode to Prince Charles and British Kings and Queens through the ages. In reality this is little more than a list of monarchs set to music, a would-be Subterranean Homesick Blues for Royalists.

In 1983 C John (what does the C stand for?) was at it again with another 'famous' poem set to yet another 'never-to-be-forgotten' waltz-time melody. However it seems that by this point he had fallen out with Gary Gordon and his quartet and employed the services of The Mike Alexander Orcherstra with a new vocalist in the shape of Allun Davies. Lacking the naive charm of Islands Of Beauty this one relies too much on more obvious Scottish cliches with the new vocalist in toe-curling MOR territory. It's a nice tune however and C John and his female Gaelic narrator (Marie Carmichael this time) are dubbed over the top offering more pearls of wisdom. The sleeve design is the same as the previous disc although now it's in garish purple 'n' white and isn't die-cut at the front so we get to see a bit more of that creepy photo of C John sketching a bikini-clad model with no lead in his pencil. We can finally see what he's doing with his right hand!

There are yet more poems on the B-side including A Time For Peace, another tribute, this time to the Pope who had visited Ireland in 1979 but wisely avoided Scotland and Seil Island in particular. Each poem is introduced by a long preamble about where, when and why he wrote it, and he seems to have jotted most of them off at 4 in the morning suggesting that he was some sort of insomniac.

It's unlikely that these records sold in huge quantities, possibly because C John has a serious image problem. His 'look' consists of horn-rimmed specs, goatee beard, open-neck shirt with a cravat and an ill-fitting yachting cap making him look seriously like a man in heavy disguise. Perhaps he was an escaped convict in hiding or dressed like this in case any punters turned up asking for their money back once they had played the brown-nosing Prince Charles tribute.

- Contributed by: David Noades

Images: Islands Of Beauty, The Song Of Argyll

Islands Of Beauty
Media: 7"
Label: Highland Arts Studios/Hollick and Taylor
Catalog: HTEP 1560
Date: 1978
Credits: Musical accompaniment by  The Gary Gordon Quartet. Vocals: Gary Gordon. Gaelic narration: Catriona MacLeod Taylor. Pipes: Pipe Major Bert Anderson.

The Song Of Argyll
Media: 7"
Label: Highland Arts Studios/Hollick and Taylor
Catalogue: HTEP 1671
Date: 1983
Credits: Musical accompaniment by The Mike Alexandra Orchestra. Vocalist: Allun Davies. Gaelic Narration: Marie Carmichael. Pipes: Pipe Major Bert Anderson.

Skin Disease Or Supper (2)?

Jump the flip to find out, oh and by the way, it might be pretty nauseating!

Or it might be delectable.