Right about this same time last year (it's 70th anniversary) I found an incredible paragon of throw-down urban journalism resting on the counter of my local 7/11 store. To say The St. Louis Metro Evening Whirl is unlike any newspaper printed and distributed in the United States would be giving it so little credit it's not even funny.
Headline templates and the stories to which they belong in the Sun-Times', Journal-Stars and Plain-Dealers are so prosaic and unimaginative it makes you wonder why there aren't more print machine operators filing workers comp claims over their hands just getting hacked off because they fell asleep reading the template cuts. The Whirl busts out headlines--and lead paragraphs--fully intended to cause anyone within ten feet of you to shield their faces because you're getting ready to puke all over them from laughing.
But more so, Founder/President-CEO respectively, Benjamin and Barry Thomas, and their editing staff don't write for just anybody. The headlines and stories are written for readers who've grown up on the hardened South City and North St. Louis neighborhoods by people who've grown up in those neighborhoods. The style to which they want to communicate to their faithful reaches out like a handshake and a chat between neighbors walking outside to fetch the paper. You're not getting articles or headlines from some bullshit IP conference brainstorming session. The Whirl, in every sense of the word, keeps it real. Priceless, but real.
Story-wide humor is for whatever reason taking a back seat as menu special in this week's edition (March 3-10) to the lead paragraph. This lead-in (and, again, ya gotta love the trademark rhyme scheme) is from the front page headlined "Two Men Whacked On Vacant Lot":
KINGSWAY WEST--Goons would rather smile in your face and stick a knife in your back than see your family doin' well and your pockets gettin' fat. That's why folks are G'd up every goddamned day and homicide investigators are steady getting called. Matter of fact, they were out last Tuesday morning after the bodies of two men were found on a vacant lot.
We now flip over to the "LAWlessness & disORDER" section on Page 7A under the headline (that probably should've read "Horny Hack J.C. Clay Has Sex With Bad Girl" instead of "Horny Hack Has Sex With Bad Girl J.C. Clay"--oops):
KINLOCH: A horndog who worked at the Kinloch city jail got so turned on by one of the sassy bad girls who was locked up there that he banged her!
And now, the coup de grace. This is not Lead Paragraph of the Week--this is Lead Paragraph of the YEAR!:
ST. LOUIS--As the weather warms up thugs are taking back the streets and, judging by last week, they'll have the Lou locked like the penitentiary in no time.
So get you a fat sack and a pint of Hennessey and try not to get caught by a stray bullet.
I personally can't stand Hennessey, but I'll raise my bottle of Schlafly's No. 15 Wheat Ale to another 70 years!
"So get you a fat sack and a pint of Hennessey and try not to get caught by a stray bullet."
The existence of the English language is justified.
Posted by: Brad Nelson | March 28, 2009 at 02:01 PM
this is truly unbelievable, is this publication still going?
Posted by: luke poot | March 28, 2009 at 02:02 PM
Yes indeed, Luke, it is very much still going! It's still available every Tuesday at various convenience stores and gas stations around St. Louis proper.
Posted by: Jonathan Steinke | March 28, 2009 at 06:04 PM
No shit? Wow, I have something new to live for. Are they available on the south side, say around Chippewa and Kingshighway, or do I have to travel further north?
Posted by: Munro | March 29, 2009 at 02:35 AM
It IS something for which to keep oneself constantly oxygenated, yes! :P
Actually, I'm not sure if there's a gas station or Quick Stop-y gas mart sorta place around C and K where you can pick one up. I think there are just QuikTrips and BP's along there. I get all mine from the 7-11 at Jefferson and Gravois. Give there a try!!
Posted by: Jonathan Steinke | March 29, 2009 at 06:52 AM
Awesome. Thanks for the heads up!
Posted by: Michael Munro | March 29, 2009 at 03:50 PM
Ain't no thang, bro!!
Posted by: Jonathan Steinke | March 29, 2009 at 06:07 PM
Where'd you get these scans? Are there more? These are blowing my mind. Thank you so much.
Posted by: Sammy | April 02, 2009 at 06:26 PM