Car Bras and the Bros that Bought 'em

Where have all the car bras gone?

Did they leave embarrassing tan lines and end up in a landfill somewhere? Did cars become chubbier, unable to squeeze back into their old cup size? Did highway patrol technology finally catch up with the radar-absrobing car bra and ruin the party?

A cursory survey of cars parked on the mean streets of downtown Jersey City revealed the following:

0% cars with bras (left)
1% cars with the De-Fender (right)

Is the De-Fender the new stigma-free version of the car bra? It's more rugged, clearly not made of leather, designed for the rear-end instead of the bust, and is definitely not form-fitting. Seems like a more manly way of protecting your Honda's bumper (bootie?). Have car owners lost interest in their vehicle's front-end assets? Or is there something more to this newfound concern for a car's rump over its rack? A sign of ass-worship or fear of rear-end penetration?

Speaking of bromobiles, you call 'em Iroc-Zs, I call 'em Camaros. If you still have one kicking around, you should donate it to WFMU.

Thanks to Scott, Ari, Chad, Jason, and Alex for their insights concerning these pressing matters.

Comments

[bartleby]

I've actually seen a thickly padded form of meta-bumper on a few cars. I think since they started designing bumpers to be the most vulnerable and costly to repair external feature of the car people were obliged to affix the meta-bumper accordingly. Some day I will come up with a method of protecting the meta-bumper, an eka-bumper if you will. On that day I will kiss my bus pass gooodbye.

[K.]

Car bras are so 1985. All the hip rednecks are sporting TruckNutz now. Ask for them by name!

[Kevin]

The car bra has been replaced by truck nuts. It's part of their trans-mission.

[cynthia]

A week ago I saw this asshole in a silver BMW with a hot pink styrofoam noodle floaty device duct taped to the bumper. He was pulling into the SF Flower Market parking lot. I was pulling in behind him. I have a rotting black bra on my paint-peeling 95' baby powder blue Celica.
Do you miss me, Liz?

[K.]

And for the ladies, CarCuntz!

[Dale]

Other accessories you don't see much anymore: The weird blue plastic wind deflectors on the top of pickup truck hoods; aftermarket running boards; cb antennas sprouting for the middle of a car roof; the fringy balls that hang around the perimeter of your car's ceiling; and hand painted 'pa' on the drivers' side door with 'ma' on the passenger side.

[Cynnkitty]

Howza 'bout just making cars with bumpers again?!
As an almost uncannily superb parallel parker, I rarely if ever have to resort to the tap....but indeed that's more than I can say for most!

[michael]

Car bras are all hanging out with old sets of rear window louvers.

[Rick Ele]

Car bras certainly destroy the look and aerodynamics of any sporty car, but they were marketed as a way to protect your car from rock chips. And they were not the 80's version of truck nutz! Surely, most of the cars sporting bras were pony cars preferred by white trash, but BMW 3-series cars were also chief among the cars most likely to be wearing bras.

Also, thanks to Liz for bringing the Camaro IROC-Z to mind. Named for the International Race of Champions, I preferred to think of it as "It's Really Only a Camaro!" It may have had a more aggressively sporty suspension and tuned-port injectors taken from the Corvette, but it surely was NOT A CORVETTE! Yep, it's really only a Camaro.

[Rick Ele]

I had to revisit this post and leave this comment because I SHIT YOU NOT! I saw a car bra on a 2009 Honda Accord sedan today!

[Toyota Liteace]

i need a new bra for my Toyota Liteace
i googled, but they all vary a lot in price so i was wondering if anyone who's ordered one can recommend a site or autoparts store with good quality car bras. THANKS!