Robo-Clones Replace DJ's at NJ Radio Station

Just like Santa Claus, Thunk Tank cannot be everywhere at once, and so we do what Santa does—we hire some homeless men to dress up like Jay. But not anymore! Now Scientists and Experts in Japan have found a new answer to this age-old problem: the Robo-Clone.

We are not talking about 3-D–print dolls from the Clone Factory—Clone Factory dolls are so pre-tsunami! Plus, they’re small! They are not life-sized, unless you are only about a foot tall. Here, this video explains everything:

 

(You may want to fast-forward to see the Fat Guy’s tween harem get creeped out by the doll.)

But a doll is just a doll, and it is not Science. Professor Hiroshi Ishiguro’s Robo-Clones are Science. First he made a robot that looked just like him, and then he made a robot that looks just like some 24-year-old co-ed. Perhaps Prof. Ishiguro was having some non-Science thoughts! But judge for yourself:

 

A Mini-Me from Clone Factory costs about $1,770, which sounds like a lot until you consider that an actual Robo-Clone from Prof. Ishiguro’s extremely Science-y laboratory will set you back about $225,000, which may not even include the operator with the laptop who actually runs the Robo.

Perhaps you are thinking, “How is that an android, if someone has to follow it around with a laptop, running the damned thing? Are there no completely autonomous creepy Japanese robots?” Well, of course there are! There is the Dental Patient Training Robot. And perhaps you are also wondering, “When will there be autonomous creepy robo-android love dolls?” Why are you thinking about that? We don’t know the answer to that. Although, again, the Dental Patient Training Robot’s creators give a lot of credit for the development of its incredibly lifelike mouth and tongue structure to a noted Japanese love-doll company, as Professor Maki says in this video:

 

Most of the Japanese creepy clone robo-scientists are very clear that they are developing these FEMALE robots to take over jobs such as secretaries and receptionists. (First women get stuck in the crap jobs, and then Scientist Mens figure out a way to build fake women to take the crap jobs away from them. Men! Amiright?) And also, your android robo-receptionist is a lot less likely than a flesh person to get radiation sickness, which is something we’re sure those Japanese Scientists are considering, since the Fukushima power plant won’t be fully decommissioned for another 30 years.